Tag: father

As parents, we’re willing to do everything we can for our kids—including, if necessary, risking our own lives and safety for theirs. So when we heard that celeb mom Naya Rivera died saving her four-year-old son Josey, it definitely hit home.

For those who haven’t been following the story, the 33-year-old actor from Glee was reported missing on July 8 when the rental pontoon she had taken out on California’s Lake Piru wasn’t returned on time. The boat had been found drifting in the man-made lake with only her son aboard and no sign of Naya. After a five-day search, the Ventura County Sheriff’s office announced in a press conference yesterday that they had recovered a body they strongly believed to be Naya’s.

During the announcement, Sheriff Bill Ayub said that they know from interviewing her son that he and his mom had gone swimming in the lake at some point that day. “It was during that time, her son described being helped into the boat by Naya, who boosted him onto the deck from behind,” Ayub recounted. “He told investigators that he looked back and saw her disappear under the surface of the water.”

Later during the Q&A portion of the conference, Sheriff Ayub speculated that Naya and her son had been swimming in the lake when the boat began to drift away from currents that typically occur in the lake during the afternoon. According to the sheriff, it’s believed that she “mustered enough energy to get her son back on the boat, but not enough to save herself.”

It’s tragic how this young mother’s story ended, but we totally get how she made the decision to prioritize her son’s safety over her own. Hopefully, her story serves as reminder that water safety is no joke and no matter how strong a swimmer you may be, taking the necessary safety precautions like wearing a life jacket or personal floatation device is always important.

Rest in peace, Naya. Our hearts go out to you and your family.

The post Naya Rivera from Glee did what any parent would—sacrificed her life for her kid appeared first on Today’s Parent.

On this week’s episode: Dan and Jamilah are joined by Isaac Butler to answer a question from a mom trying to make up for a verbal slip in a moment of frustration. And we have a question from a mom who wants to fend off family pressure to baptize her child. For Slate Plus: a mini Mom and Dad are Fighting reunion! Dan talks to Allison Benedikt about her adventure taking Sam to the Westminster Dog Show. Sign up for Slate Plus here.

Recommendations:

 

Dan recommends Every Kid Outdoors, a program that allows 4th graders to get into all federal lands for free. 

Jamilah recommends Harlem’s Little Blackbird: The Story of Florence Mills by Renee Watson and Christian Robinson.

 

Isaac recommends digging into the Sondheim back catalogue, specifically Company, with your kids.

 

Join us on Facebook and email us at momanddad@slate.com to tell us what you thought of today’s show and give us ideas for what we should talk about in future episodes. Got questions that you’d like us to answer? Call and leave us a message at 424-255-7833.

 

Podcast produced by Rosemary Belson.

 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When a pregnant woman gained more than 33 pounds, the risk of childhood asthma or a food or drug allergy in offspring increased.

As I try to stop a pants-less threenager from jumping on the couch, my five-month-old whines after being abandoned in her Exersaucer for a little too long. The guilt for this is subconsciously added to the day’s tally, along with feeding my preschooler mostly popcorn for lunch and letting both children watch 500 hours of Ninjago (it’s infant-appropriate, no?).

In this moment, I can’t help thinking about how silly I sounded just a few months ago when anyone asked me how my second mat leave was going.

“It’s a bit boring, to be honest.”

Cue the universe, laughing. By late February my daughter, Edie, was just starting to emerge from the sleepless and all-encompassing newborn phase. We’d kept our toddler, Theo, enrolled at his nursery school full-time. The novelty of mat leave—watching endless Netflix shows and aimlessly wandering the mall with my baby snoozing in the stroller—had worn off much faster the second time around. I was tired of being covered in spit-up and the relentless cycle of eat-burp-change-sleep-repeat. I was sick of being cooped up all winter, and I found myself missing my deputy editor job here at Today’s Parent.

Shortly after I had the immense privilege of expressing my boredom, as spring’s first shoots broke ground and the weather started to warm, COVID-19 swept the globe. Instead of popping out to baby swim class and music programs, and enjoying regular playdates and coffee meetups with friends, the world came to a halt—and my husband and son came home. For good. All day, every day.

Now parents have an entire rack’s worth of new and often ill-fitting hats to wear in addition to their usual roles: teacher, housekeeper, doctor, Zoom expert, hairdresser, nutritionist, activity coordinator. This is coupled with the anxiety of keeping our families safe and fed, and staying on top of ever-evolving guidelines for how to conduct ourselves in a pandemic.

Oh, how flippant I’d been.

I’m still processing the fact that my first and second mat leaves will be very different. With my firstborn, I might have been the only mom in history to enthusiastically sign up for four music classes a week, one a day from Monday to Thursday. It was hectic. But it was magical, too. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be spending all day every day watching baby Theo grow and evolve, taking fastidious notes about his milestones and every single adorable little thing he’d do. (At 22 weeks he licked a strawberry, and on June 16 I apparently saw it necessary to record his first fully formed turd!)

I also had a huge group of close mom friends I got to see constantly, and we’d dissect every milestone and sleep regression. We had two sets of dedicated grandparents who came over all the time and delighted in every second they had with their first grandchild. (For the record, they will still drop a Lysol-ed Tupperware of frozen chicken soup on our doorstep within the hour. Thanks, Mom!)

While Theo grew up seeing his grandparents multiple times a week, Edie is getting to know them through a screen, and the loss of that quality time is keenly felt on all sides. FaceTime used to be a bonus—a little extra glimpse of the kids at off-hours—but now it’s all you get. And you can’t smell that intoxicating baby scent or pinch her ever-chunkier thighs through an iPhone.

As a second child, I knew that Edie wouldn’t be privy to the kind of focus and attention I was able to give my first, but we were supposed to have our year together—those special, lazy “just us” days to bond before picking her big brother up at the end of the day. Now that her rambunctious sibling is stealing the spotlight, she’s spending too much time alone on her play mat while I walk on eggshells trying to keep a moody preschooler happy and entertained. This wasn’t the plan.

I know how lucky I am to be home with my family—all of whom are healthy—and not be too stressed about money. I was already signed up for EI on my mat leave. I’m not a frontline health worker like some of my friends are, or a grocery store clerk risking their life to keep us nourished.

There are so many moms dealing with greater hardships—giving birth alone; caring for a newborn without the help of family and friends; being unable to find formula or diapers; worrying about loved ones who are sick; struggling through PPD with limited or no support. I know I have so much to be grateful for, and I’m lucky I got to experience a “normal” Canadian mat leave with my eldest. But I also deeply feel the loss of this special time with my baby girl.

This is something my mom friends and I are constantly trying to balance: the guilt over expressing any modicum of frustration or self-pity, and the need to emote and share the very valid feelings that are bombarding us every day. We’re sad that we’re spending much more time obsessing over our older kids’ screen time and behaviour regressions than noticing how our babies learned to coo or smile that day, or documenting the face they made trying their first taste of sweet potato. There just isn’t always enough time or energy to do both.

One big factor is sleep, of course. The broken sleep when you have an infant is hard to deal with at the best of times, but now our nights are even less restful: after you feed the baby at 3 a.m., it isn’t easy to fall back asleep as our minds race wildly with pandemic anxiety.

There are silver linings, though. This extended period at home was the perfect opportunity to finally potty-train Theo, after he had spent months showing absolutely no interest. And now that he logs so much time with his baby sister, he’s come to appreciate her in new ways, like being able to make her laugh by smothering her face in wet kisses. For Edie, Theo is the greatest show on earth.

Ultimately, I’m thankful for the excuse to focus on something other than the news. Dealing with the immediate needs of my kids helps keep the big-picture angst at bay. Snacks and naps and diaper changes—these are things I can handle. Life may not be going according to plan and my world may feel prohibitively small at times, but right now, there’s comfort in the familiar, mundane routines of being a mom.

Editor’s note:

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The post This is not the mat leave I imagined appeared first on Today’s Parent.

Face mask? Check. Hand sanitizer? Got it. Here’s how you can help kids ease back into school this fall.

On this week’s episode: Dan and Jamilah are joined by poet, performer, and activist Staceyann Chin to field a question from a mom who’s worried she should give her son a year to grow before he starts kindergarten. Scott Brown, author of the YA novel XL and short guy, calls in to help. The hosts also discuss disproportionate expectations of maturity placed on black girls during childhood. For Slate Plus: a question from a mom wondering if she is can worry about her white son’s experience at a school that has predominantly black and Hispanic students. Sign up for Slate Plus here.

Recommendations:

Jamilah recommends The State of Black Girls: A Go-To Guide for Creating Safe Space for Black Girls by Marline Francois-Madden LCSW.

Dan recommends the Newbery-winning comic New Kid by Jerry Craft.

Staceyann recommends Ada Twist, Scientist by Andrea Beaty.

Additional Reading:

XL by Scott Brown.

Why Won’t Society Let Black Girls Be Children? By A. Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez.

Pushout: The Criminalization of Black Girls in Schools. By Monique W. Morris.

Girlhood Interrupted: The Erasure of Black Girls’ Childhood by Rebecca Epstein, Jamilia J. Blake and Thalia González.

End Adultification Bias by Georgetown Law Center on Poverty and Inequality.

Join us on Facebook and email us at momanddad@slate.com to tell us what you thought of today’s show and give us ideas for what we should talk about in future episodes. Got questions that you’d like us to answer? Call and leave us a message at 424-255-7833.

Podcast produced by Rosemary Belson. Audio engineering by Chau Tu. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As a pediatrician and mother, I thought I knew a lot about parenting. But I was blindsided by my daughter’s coming out as trans, and that first year was riddled with mistakes.

“We say it takes a village, but what exactly that looks like and where those support people come from can be a big challenge for a lot of new parents,” says Maria Robertson, a former nurse and founder of The New Mummy Company, an agency that provides prenatal and postpartum support services in several major cities across the country. For a variety of reasons, some of that village might need to be hired help, she says. A night nurse can provide parents with invaluable support, as well as much-needed sleep.  

What is a night nurse?

Also called newborn care specialists or baby nurses, night nurses are care providers that are hired to help with baby care. “‘Night nurse’ is just an old term that’s commonly used,” says Stefanie Antunes, founder of Discover Birth, a doula agency in Toronto that offers a range of services, including overnight support. 

Typically, night nurses are trained in CPR, infant care, feedings (sometimes they are also trained lactation consultants) and managing the needs of preemies and babies with certain medical conditions. They can come with a range of accredited designations, from doula to registered nurse, and they typically work at night, taking over baby’s care while parents get some much-needed rest. 

What do night nurses do?

The exact parameters of this care is decided with parents in advance (typically during the interview and placement process) and can vary from family to family. In general, night nurse duties include everything from changing diapers to walking the floor with the baby to managing night feedings. For a mom who breastfeeds exclusively, a night nurse can bring the baby to mom at specified times and take the baby away to be burped, changed and put back to sleep. A night nurse can also set up and clean breast pumps if mom is pumping or prep formula and feed the baby if they’re exclusively formula fed. Night nurses also provide important information on infant care for first-time parents, reviewing everything from bathing newborns to curing diaper rash to troubleshooting reflux issues.

What they won’t do is much housekeeping—at least not at night. Many baby nannies will also work during the day, though, if you need an extra hand around the clock. “During the day, they will cook, tidy up and help around the house,” says Antunes. “At night, they typically just take care of the baby because the goal is for parents to sleep.”

Although night nurses are often introduced during the newborn weeks—often booked for the first six or eight weeks, when mom is recovering from birth complications and baby’s needs are greatest—they can stick around until toddlerhood. If mom becomes pregnant with baby number two or three or the other parent is away a lot for business, a family may book a night nurse for a few nights a week or according to the travelling parent’s schedule on an ongoing basis. 

How much does a night nurse cost?

Hourly rates average about $35 an hour, or $280 a night, but this depends on experience. A postpartum doula will probably charge less than a registered nurse or an internationally trained paediatrician. (Some services employ doctors who have extensive expertise in baby care but aren’t able to practise medicine in Canada.) 

Some services require a commitment of several weeks, while others have more flexibility. “We’ve done anywhere from one night for a family where the dad had the flu to two years,” says Robertson. A full night shift, from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m., is standard. (You can’t request that your nanny just show up for a few hours to cover the graveyard feedings.) 

Experts say it’s best to research night nanny services in your area and book before your little bundle arrives to ensure that you get a good match. (Most agencies offer vetting and interviewing services for free.) “Our agency has been booked solid for the past year,” says Antunes. “Parents need to do this long before their baby is born to reserve someone for their needs.” 

Is a night nurse right for us?

Typical clients include families who have one parent who travels a lot for work, couples having multiples, and families who live far from their extended family or support network, says Robertson. But it’s not just first-time parents who enlist the services of night nurses. “We get calls from a lot of parents who are expecting their second baby,” says Robertson. “They already have a busy toddler at home and wonder how they’re going to manage being up at night with a newborn while keeping up with the older child during the day.” 

One of the biggest benefits of hiring a night nurse is that parents get the sleep they need for a full postpartum recovery. “This is especially important for people who suffer from mental health issues, as sleep is correlated to well-being,” says Antunes. (Studies show that prolonged sleep deprivation ups an otherwise healthy new mom’s risk of postpartum depression.) 

“It’s having someone there who encourages you to rest and takes care of you but also takes excellent care of your baby,” says Robertson. That way, you can be the best version of yourself to parent the following day. 

The post Do you need a night nurse for help with your baby? appeared first on Today’s Parent.