Author: Elanchezhian Narayanasamy

In our new fundraiser, Raising Kids Who Love to Learn, we’ve been talking about how Hand in Hand tools help kids become bold, confident, curious learners. Those tools more than come into their own if you suddenly find yourself in charge of parenting and schooling!

Read on and discover how three Hand in Hand families have used the tools these past few months in the mix of learning that’s happening in their own families.

Why We Worked through Emotional Baggage Before English and Math

Katy Linsley is a Hand in Hand Instructor, living with her two boys in Lancaster, England. As a child-led, play-based childminder and ex-Primary teacher, she initially felt confident in providing her sons with a daily mix of play and learning opportunities—until she realised the stressful events leading up to lockdown left her without any energy or creativity. “The best I could do some days was to pull out a box of toys they hadn’t played with for a while,” she says.

Read on to learn how she unpacked that emotional baggage to get to more playful learning and fun for the whole family: Why We Worked through Emotional Baggage Before English and Math

Flexible Schedules with a Focus on Energy Supports My Child’s Learning

Sonali Vongchusiri is a Hand in Hand Certification candidate and a homeschooling mama of three children (ages 9,6, and 3). She and her children live in Bangkok, Thailand, and Sonali uses an unschooling approach with her high needs older son, and a more traditional homeschool approach with her two younger children.

Here’s a glimpse into how their flexible schedule plays out and why no two days look the same: Flexible Schedules with a Focus on Energy Supports My Child’s Learning

Balancing Work and Play Took Practice

Elle Kwan is Hand in Hand’s content creator, host of the Hand in Hand Parenting Podcast, and a work-at-home mum to two kids who have been distance learning in Hong Kong since February when schools closed to quarantine.

She shares how the family have worked through initial resistance they all felt to learning at home, into days that combine online learning and working from home with Special Time and physical play: Balancing Work and Play Took Practice

Are Your Kids Learning Remotely? Or Feeling Anxious About Returning to School?

These posts are part of our Fall Fundraiser, Raising Kids Who Love to Learn. As a thank you for donations of $6 or more, you will receive the whole Raising Kids Who Love To Learn series.

Your collection includes:

• 5 x videos by Hand in Hand Instructors on subjects like reaching resistant learners, overcoming distance learning and classroom disruption and advocating for your child.
• Bonus video from founder Patty Wipfler,
• 100 Ways To Play guide,
• Understanding Children’s Emotions ebook.
• Printables, real-world examples from parents using the tools, tips, and reminders

Use it to inspire your child’s curiosity, focus, and joy of learning. Please go here to give. 

How does your gift help?

Your gifts help us fund projects like our research study with Harvard’s Center for the Developing Child. For this project, Hand in Hand is adapting our 6-week Starter Class for use by Early Childhood Educators in Head Start and Early Head Start, a highly effective US program that serves children being raised in poverty, and their families, and in other community-based preschools.

So many parents tell us that after years of struggling the support and tools Hand in Hand offers helps their families thrive.

Please help us reach more parents.

Use this link to give. 

Schooling at home hasn’t always been easy.

Changing schedules, changing school policies, changing wifi connectivity and changing moods have all contributed to daily ups and downs in the Kwan family. That has given us all a good chance to work out where our values lie, and we’ve done many experiments trying to figure out what works best for us as a family.

In February, when all this started for us in Hong Kong, the mood was fairly flippant. At that point, we thought that any quarantine would be weeks rather than months long, and my kids’ schools advised letting pupils pick and choose what work they did.

So it came as a jolt in month two, March, when we began to see Covid’s impact spreading from Asia, across the globe, and the realisation sunk in that this home learning could be for the long haul. Since then, my kids have been in physical school for a total of 11 days.

Our schedule has changed a lot, and our feelings about home learning have changed a lot too. My older daughter’s secondary school put the whole timetable online, so she’s engaged for most of what would be her normal schoolday. At first, she hated being away from her friends. Now, she’s happy she has less travel time, and meets friends one-on-one if it’s permitted, or online if it’s not.

My son, who is 8, gets set a daily amount, mostly focused on maths, English and a focus topic, and check-ins.

At our busiest, my husband is fielding meetings online, I’m interviewing, and the kids have their two besties over (our edu-bubble) to do school. On bad Internet-days, we’re often all found devices in hand, scuttling from hotspot to hotspot, and I’m left wondering if “usual” will ever return.

Here’s How Our Schedule Shaped Up

On an average day, here’s how our days look right now.

6 am

After 13 years of sleeping in until I got up, my dog gave me nudge in a new direction when she began to wake me at dawn. As a committed night owl, I hated stumbling out of bed early at first, but after some railing about this with Listening Partners, I began to appreciate the quiet house and now use that hour to get creative writing tasks started. By 7 am, when the rest of the brood begin tumbling into the living room, it feels like I’ve already “done something for me,” that gives me more positive energy.

7-8 am

During this time the kids read and eat breakfast, scan some Tiktok or play Animal Crossing, while I scan some news, and get ready to start learning. This a totally more relaxed affair than the schooldays of old where we were all rushing not to miss buses. I’m a complete housework procrastinator unless I have a routine. So I use this hour to wash dishes, load one load of laundry, and sweep the floors—luckily our apartment in Hong Kong is small—and then I count the majority of the housework “done.”

8-9 am

Both kids begin learning online. We bubble with a neighbour and usually there is just under an hour while my son and his friend are online, so I try to get a block of work done. I have to be careful that the kids don’t just move from online lessons to just online randomness, so I tend to work pretty close by.

9-10 am

Play. Once we get our eyeballs away from the screen, it’s almost always beneficial to get my son involved in some play. This is most often Special Time, where he leads what happens. Lately, he’s been choosing hide ‘n’ seek, swordplay, Nerf gun assaults, and Lego battles, and is very physical. If he’s in a good place, we’ll tackle the first bit of (so-called) “independent learning.” Last term, there was always a fair amount of tussling even getting him interested. He said he “hated my teacher voice,’ and thought the work was “stupid.” (Some of the time, I agree, heh heh). One issue that came up for me is a pressing need to Get Things Done. I jump in with way too much enthusiasm, which he finds intimidating. I also battle feelings that he is not putting effort in where he should. Over the summer we worked on expectations we had around him getting his computer, knowing his schedule, and doing some of the work independently. I’d say it’s a work in progress, but we are inching towards some of these goals.

10-11 am

Snack time. Not the first time anyone has asked for a snack, mind you, but, actual designated snack time. My son (and his friend, if she’s here) often go off and lose themselves in some play for a bit, and then start an online class. My daughter pops by the kitchen, has a chat, and then departs to her room again. Again, I try and tackle some lighter work. Emails and quick bits of writing get done, but nothing that takes too much brainpower! If I’m feeling playful, I’ll challenge myself to see what I can get done in the 25 minutes or so that I have. (if I’m not, I choose the “focus” tab on Spotify and just try and buckle down).

11-12 pm

If there’s remaining schoolwork left at this time, it’ll go one of two ways: My son racing with a sense of victory to the finish line and whipping through the task, or him trying everything he has to avoid it: “I need water,” “I need music,” which leads to “I need headphones,” and then, “Did you know x,y or z? Look, I’ll show you.”

Since this is a pretty familiar pattern, we’ve been working on deciding which bits of work are hardest and doing those first, earlier, when there’s less tiredness, boredom and resistance. But it’s taken many, many months of tears and frustration to get to that. What it does mean though, is that I’m less urgent about a final task needing to be done, and less stressed if it doesn’t, which means it’s easier now to just listen about why he doesn’t want to do it.

12-2 pm

Since the kids are in school, they have stunted lunch breaks, which is a bit of a pain, to be honest. Mostly the small kids are done by 12.30, and play for an hour, while I prep. Sometimes they help, but not often. If there’s time we’ll play some cards or dominoes, or they’ll start chasing me about. The older kids are usually ravenous by 1.30 pm when they have a designated lunch break, while the littles race to finish lunch to get to their afternoon “check-out,” with teachers. It’s good to chat and laugh with the older ones about their day as the littles go off. My son can now articulate that he finds everyone at the table at one time quite difficult, and often he’ll move to the sofa and eat with a book.

2-4 pm

We’ve experimented quite a lot with the afternoon schedule, as their school day ends. I noticed a definite dip in energy, so start my afternoon chunk of work while they start their afternoon slump, which is usually a combo of TV slobbery, crafts, reading, a cup of tea and a biscuit, drawing and looking things up. I try to leave them to their own leanings.

4-6 pm

By 4 pm, energy levels are usually picking up again, and the kids get creative. This is where my daughter will start to bake, make DIY beauty treatments, or decorate her room, and my son starts big comic projects, a fort appears, or I’ll see him creeping around on some ninja mission. Sometimes they’ll draw or play around me, but It’s also my cue to start wrapping up work.

My kids are introverts, and not big into playing outside at the best of times, let alone in Hong Kong’s humid summer with a (required) face mask, and so they could probably go for weeks without leaving the apartment without some encouragement. There’s we have an expectation that if they haven’t been out the day before they will come and walk the dog with me. Sometimes they walk, sometimes they scoot or skate, sometimes it’s like I’m a pirate forcing them to walk the gangplank, but by the time we return things are usually much lighter!

6-8 pm

We all gather, grab a dinner plate, and watch a few TV shows together. It’s taken me a lot of years getting comfortable with this—the very opposite of the strict sit at the table rule I grew up with—but when my doubts set in, I remember how carefree this feels in comparison. And yes, a bit of me likes indulging that inner rebel.

8-10 pm

We shower and do a chapter or two in bed together before lights out. I’ll read, maybe watch a show, and try, try, try to get myself to bed by 11 pm and often fail. (I guess my kids aren’t the only ones working towards new habits and goals!)

What have I learned?

It’s not just my kids who are learning. Here’s what I’ve picked up during our distance-learning journey.

I started off so casual around school and then when it seemed to get serious I started vying for an imaginary “home teacher of the year award” only to watch all my prep and efforts go to waste, while I headed in tears for the photocopier (again). Now, I’ve learned a thing or two that works for us:

• I am rather unorganised, and so this term I have an online calendar announcing all online classes, check-ins and appointments with teachers. My son much prefers this polite A.I voice casually informing him about classes, so it’s a win-win. I do not know why I went 5 months without, but there we are!
• I now factor in brain breaks. To begin with, I was committed to the kids’ getting tasks completed. The trouble is they were not. That meant sessions were endless. Now, we have a set amount of time to do the task (or not) and then we have a break. Guess what? Everyone is happier with the “have a go” ethic, and more is getting done.
• Special Time or rough and tumble play after the first chunk of online learning helps the rest go easier. And it’s more fun too! I schedule it in like any lesson, except if my son comes off the call fired up and racing to do things.
• When they are online, I focus on my stuff. I used to hover and then a lightning bolt of “what are you doing?” hit me. Now I leave it to the teacher and use that time to work (or sometimes dress, haha).

There’s been a lot of trial and experimentation. I have leaned into listening to my kids and myself more. And, ultimately, I’ve enjoyed having everyone closer together, despite the challenges. There’s talk of us coming out of lockdown and schools opening in October, but if we close again anytime, I feel like what we have built together works for us all. At least for now.

How To Get Prepared for Virtual, Hybrid, and In-Class Learning

As a thank you for donations to our fall fundraiser, you’ll receive our new video and resource series, Raising Kids Who Love to Learn. With instructor videos, guides to children’s emotions, 100 ideas for getting playful, and lots of inspiration and printables, there’s plenty to fire up your child’s love of learning and help you all overcome education challenges this year and beyond.

The series is free with all donations of $6 or more. Go here to learn more and give. 

Elle Kwan heads up Hand in Hand Parenting’s content and is the host of the Hand in Hand Podcast.

Read the other posts in this series:

Why We Worked through Emotional Baggage Before English and Math

Flexible Schedules with a Focus on Energy Supports My Child’s Learning

Home-schooling during lockdown felt like I had many hats on. As an ex-primary school teacher and a play-based, child-led childminder I felt strongly that my two boys, 9 and 7 years old, would educationally thrive without completing every single piece of academic school work given to us by the children’s school.

Our school provided suggested activities for the children to complete but didn’t put pressure on us to complete any or all of it.

I was confident I could provide opportunities to learn as they played and by following their interests, and weave in learning both knowledge and transferable skills.

Except, initially, after the stress and anxiety leading up to lockdown, I had no energy or creativity to provide stimulating activities.  I found the thought of it exhausting unless the children drove it completely and I felt overwhelmed by the thought of being forced to have the children all day, every day.

The best I could do some days was pull out a box of toys they hadn’t played with for a while.

With my Hand in Hand instructor hat on, I knew my bigger focus was on the emotional baggage that we had all packed away during the month leading up to the lockdown.

Both boys had shown us that they were aware and struggling with the uncertainty and fear that seemed to be flying around Lancaster, the city we live in.  It seemed to be all everyone was talking about. From friends and friends parents to teachers and grandparents, all were serious and concerned. The boys picked up on that energy and information and asked questions around it, but their off-track behaviour showed us that they needed extra help at the beginning of lockdown.

“I wanted our day to allow for the emotional work to be done.”

I wanted to process that baggage, and to be safe and considerate of others’ safety, whilst manoeuvring through the pandemic and dealing with the lack of normal connections, the anxieties and fears, and the resentments and frustrations lockdown created. 

I wanted our day to allow for the emotional work to be done, which I knew would then leave our brains free to engage more naturally with learning.

So, for the first few weeks, we did 20-30 minutes of Special Time first thing in the morning and lots of Playlistening games all together. Using these two tools allowed plenty of opportunity for Staylistening when feelings came up.

At that time, I didn’t try to achieve anything other than keeping the family fed and vaguely clean!

I knew that getting plenty of Listening Time for me was also going to be crucial because my own anxieties had been evident. Caring for other families’ young children can be a big responsibility, and one I feel under normal circumstances. In such uncertain times, it began to affect my health, unfortunately giving me the very symptoms of COVID, with a tightness in my chest and shortness of breath. During my Listening Time, I worked on my anxieties around responsibilities, about my fear for my family’s health, and around my resentments for being put in a position I’d never wanted and never planned for. I was working through feelings around my helplessness and powerlessness.

Over the first few weeks of lockdown, we tried many different routines, focuses, and structures. Some worked well, some left us at loggerheads, and some worked one day but could not be replicated again. Some days the resistance from the children felt neverending, only for the following day to result in co-operation and productivity!

What I did notice after a couple of weeks was that we were mucking along in a much lighter, more collaborative way. I think the Special Times, Staylistening, and Playlistening along with gentle Setting Limits had enabled us all to offload some of that baggage we came to lockdown with.

For more on setting limits read: 4 Types of Limits That Children Need

Our Schedule Looked Something Like This

After those initial weeks, our lockdown days grew to look something like this;

7-9 am

We’d start the day with some connection time. Some cuddles, silliness and laughter (and sometimes tears) in the big parents’ bed. We experimented with plenty to get a few giggles going; making a tent by sticking dad’s leg in the air under the covers; by squishing and squashing each other as we all changed places in the bed to have a cuddle with another member of the family; playing “he’s mine!” where both parents playfully have a tug of war over a child. (My boys giggle uncontrollably at this game.) 

As a family, we tend to get breakfast, dress and wash at our own pace, with the expectation that we will all be ready by a certain time, and as the usual time constraints disappeared, I was able to use this time to set limits around how much the children helped out with household chores; tidying breakfast things away; unloading and loading the dishwasher; putting a load of clothes washing on; straightening their bedrooms; putting food shopping away etc. 

There was often a mix of playfully Setting Limits and Staylistening as feelings came up around those expectations of joining in with family responsibilities and getting dressed and ready for the day.  We always try to do those chores together with an adult, in a playful and as light atmosphere as possible. 

9-10 am

Outdoor exercise. We tried to mix it up, but we found that once we got out of the house and had some physical exercise and fresh air, we all felt more able to be light and connected.

I tried to be as child-led as possible, without expectations for what we might “achieve,” and I aimed to load the children up with connection, giving them the same delighted attention I give in Special Time, and letting them lead, or saying “Yes” to what they wanted, wherever possible. (With both boys, this wasn’t Special Time exactly, but close). Scrambling up nearby woodland slopes was one of the boys’ favourites, as was playing hide and seek in the woods, and football training and circuit training on the local green spaces, where we all enjoyed making up games and exercises. We also scooted and biked to unexplored neighbourhoods nearby. 

10-12 pm

After being outdoors the boys were keener to sit down and do some maths or English that had been set for them by their teachers. We usually took a drink and snack break between maths and English. I’d use the break times to do more connection, give cuddles, and do some quick Playlistening games to get some giggling going. Although the boys needed me around during school time, it was more for moral support and encouragement, which allowed me to have a cup of coffee, un-load dishwashers, washing machines, and prepare lunch at the same time.

12-1 pm

We’d sit down for lunch with their dad and enjoy catching up with what we’d been doing in the morning. I usually needed some adult time by now, so the boys’ Dad and I would take a hot drink into our bedroom and give free time to the boys.

1-3 pm

Our afternoons were much more flexible. We would have some Special Time and do other activities together.  If school sent inspiring activities we might try them together, or otherwise we’d think up our own activities, cook or bake together, or try out a new hobby or project. How on-track we were all feeling would determine the order and structure of our afternoon. Sometimes we’d do doing Special Time first, and on other days we’d wait until later.

3.30-4.30 pm

If one of the children had a Zoom calls with friends, where they could chat, play games, and laugh together, I had time with the other child one-on-one. I used this time for Special Time or sometimes to do individual music or language practice.

4.30-5.30 pm

The children chose what they did for the hour before dinner, including screen time.  This gave me a much-needed hour to be by myself, either to quietly get dinner ready, finish chores, or just have a quiet brew and chat with a friend.

5.30-7.30 pm

We would all have dinner together and then begin bedtime which usually started off with some Playlistening games and silliness, before showers, and storytime. As with in the morning, this gave an opportunity for playful or gentle Setting Limits and Staylistening to help clear anything that had come up during the day and helped the children feel connected enough to fall asleep peacefully. I also scheduled my Listening Time on Monday and Wednesday evenings.

My boys are set to go back to school full-time sometime in September, and I will be childminding as usual three days a week during the school term. The boys have loved being at home, and I anticipate some rough patches as they move back into school life.

We’ll up the amount of Special Time before school restarts, and I’ll focus on Playlistening at school pick-up as well as some family play before bed. I’ll use my Listening Time to work on the probable anger that will explode from my youngest as he struggles with his anxieties around new teachers, new situations and his resentment around needing to sit at tables rather than climbing trees!

If we have to go back into lockdown again, I’ll try to remember what’s important to us, slowing down so that I can hold on to connection as the important thing, and clean clothes as less so!

Katy Linsley is a Certified Hand in Hand Instructor, from Lancaster, UK. You can follow her at www.heartsandmindparenting.com, and sign up for her talks and classes.

Inspire Your Child’s Curiosity and Love of Learning

Katy donated this post for our fall fundraiser, Raising Kids Who Love To Learn. Please consider a gift to help Hand in Hand Parenting keep support free and available to parents through 2021.

All donations of $6 or more receive 5 x videos and a full resource pack to help you and your children love learning. Get help with resistance, overwhelm, and grumpiness, and find out how to set good limits around learning, inspire creativity, and have more fun however your family’s learning looks this year.

Go here to see what’s included and donate. With gratitude.

Read the other posts in this series:

Flexible Schedules with a Focus on Energy Supports My Child’s Learning

Balancing Work and Play Took Practice